Don these destroyed jeans for a look that says "I may be homeless, but I am always at home in fashion." These Calvin Klein shorts are recession-chic, with their frayed hems and strategically placed holes to show off a hint of skin. The curved waistband and sanded thighs help balance curves, slyly suggesting "Just like Kate Moss, I haven't eaten for days. Unlike Kate Moss, it's not by choice."
Rejected for: over-advocating a slim body type
Theme: Distressed Shorts
Technically speaking, these jean shorts are "distressed." I don't know what that means either. Look, maybe they've been reading too much Sartre in Freshman philosophy or whatever, but sometimes that wafish look can be "in" and that time is now. So try these jeans for a look so sadly stylish it makes prince Hamlet look like a laugh.
Rejected for: gross misuse of a 20th century philosopher.
Also rejected for: misunderstanding the concept of "distressed denim"
Theme: The Striped Top
"When you appear on deck in this nautically-themed jersey top, with its jaunty navy stripes and wide bateau neckline, you'll look just like Captain Ahab, in hot pursuit of the white whale of great style."
Rejected for: using a word (whale) that reminds women of feeling fat
Theme: The Striped Top (Second Attempt)
Sailing the high seas isn't just about mutiny and scurvy, P. It's also about stripes. Just don this nautical nicety and you'll be ready to ward off even the most ardent of overthrows, because a look this stylish is far more "walk the catwalk" than "walk the plank."
Rejected for: Political insensitivity. Not a good time to talk of revolution.
Theme: Delicate Draping
International Alert! This top looks like your fabric-intestines are hanging out after a particularly violent act of fashion hara kiri. Plus, it's slimming.
Rejected for: Nothing. Accepted without reservation.
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