Open Letter Thursdays

An Open Letter to Dr. Freud:

Dear Dr. Freud,

Let me preface this by thanking you for all the positive things you've done for society. You got the Victorians to acknowledge the existence of sex, and that alone should earn you the Nobel Prize for...accomplishing the impossible, or something. Furthermore, you've made several useful contributions to the English language--Id and Ego make great Scrabble plays in a pinch, and Superego can even be pulled out for a seven-letter bonus if you work it right. Therefore, let it not be said that I don't (on some level) admire and appreciate your work.

However, that being said, I think it's time you admitted defeat and politely bowed out of the literary world. Granted, psychoanalytic theory as applies to literature has been directly responsible for the tenure of hundreds, if not thousands, of otherwise worthless university professors. Unfortunately, that still doesn't mean you have a fucking clue what you are talking about.

Your analysis of Hamlet is charming, if not downright humorous. And I'll readily admit that Hamlet has some serious father issues he needs to work out--but anecdotal interest aside, your criticism sounds more like something my roommate muttered whilst on a particularly uncomfortable acid trip than the actual theories of a trained scientist and licensed doctor.

I am sorry to do this to you now, especially since Psychology has given you the bump as well. The "talking cure" seems to have gone the way of the steam engine and the first-generation iPod, and I think it's time you took psychoanalytic literary theory that way too. I know this will cause a lot of heartbreak, on both sides of the split. The complete and total invalidity of your theory has yet to give pause to many literature professors, but, in all fairness, most of them are trapped in the Victorian era as well.

Remember, Freud, parting can be painful but you've had a good run. Pick up your gold watch and severance check at the Human Resources desk, and please don't try and return--we're getting a restraining order as soon as the courts open tomorrow.